February 12, 2012

Nine Years


Nine years of doing the unexpected.

Nine years of thinking outside the box.

Nine years of watching him discover.

Nine years of worrying about his safety. (!)

 Nine years of his ridiculous camera smiles.

Nine years of me having to think outside the box to understand him.


Nine years of honor in being called his mom.

Nine years of adventure in experiencing my life with him.

 Nine years.


I've had a hard time writing.

There are so many things I wanted to write about.

I knew that this time in my life was special.

So much change. 

Instead, I've spent most of my time like someone who's been spun around--twirled 'til they're sick. I want to write down my interpretations of this or that. But, I'm still waiting for the room to stop moving so I can see. Family life. Home schooling. Adoption. Military life. My understanding of God. 
They're all Changing.

I find myself writing posts and never posting them.

Sometimes I don't like what I see in myself.

I don't like that there is not one easy truth in life. 
Except for Jesus. 
Everything changes.
 Everyone changes.

Blogging can be troubling in more than one way.

Seeing how poor my writing is?  Definitely.

 Seeing the error in my thoughts, my beliefs, things that are close to my heart? 
Even worse.

That's the thrill and the drawback to writing anything that is even remotely from a guarded place in your heart. It's scary.

We grow, we change, we make mistakes, we're horrid, we're kind, we grow...we change...we make mistakes.

I have a new level of respect for the people who choose to document that process.