January 21, 2011


(On School)

Grant and I made these pumpkin oatmeal cookies yesterday. They were yummy. My plan was to bribe the kids into talking to me when they got home from school. I started with the youngest, since I figured her capability to wait was the least developed. I asked all of them if they could rate school with a thumbs up, thumbs down, or an iffy wave of the hand; what would it be? Here's what I got:

  • Kennedy: Well, at first I felt pretty sad when you left. But I was sitting there yookin' around and thinking about stuff, and then suddenly I was yike, "Hey! I'm not sad anymore." And den I didn't feel yike crying. I got yike TWO snacks. And, I think I made at yeast, yike THREE friends. One girl with a purple headband, she was nice to me. She told me to dust ignore all the boys at recess. I don't know what that means. At yunch, I dust ate mostly my chocolate milk. AND I got strawberry milk. When dey told us to take a nap *leaning in to whisper* I didn't even fall asleep. And, then! It was time to go. Thumbs up.

  • Jack: *sigh* Well...I don't even know why. But, I have the feeling that at least three girls have crushes on me. They were all like, "Hey Jack, sit by me. No! Jack! Sit by me."  at lunch. And, then they kept asking me what kind of things I liked and wanted to play with me. It was crazy. We did some math...and I don't know if you would call it reading. But we played a game where we had to call out words. And, whoever called out the word first, got a Skittle. I ate these things called chicken dumplings. It's basically like, chicken with gravy on it. I didn't like the cornbread OR the cranberry sauce. But I got chocolate milk, and I liked that. My teacher is pretty nice. Thumbs up.

  • Lincoln: I didn't like the carrots or the cornbread at lunch. My teacher is nice. I really liked the computer lab, *giggling* and I got to play games while the other kids took their test. My name wasn't in the computer yet. Everyone was nice to me, and I got a "Nut" pass. (That means he doesn't have to wear his uniform.) We played really fun games at recess. "Over and under," and then another game where you have to move a hula hoop over your body, without letting go of each-other's hands. Iffy hand wave.

Me? I had one of the most...I wouldn't say relaxed days, because I was thinking so much about how the kid's day might be going. But, it was orderly.  Oh my word; the house...stayed clean. I never think that the older kids are a big part of the mess, because they are old enough to clean up after themselves. I don't follow them around telling them to put things away like I do the little ones. But they are. Definitely.

Like I said in yesterday's post; the babies were down for their naps before noon. It was SO nice! I had a good two hours with a quiet home. It was wonderful. And weird...

After the kids got back from school, and we had eaten our cookies, we worked on homework. Jack was really bummed that, "After I've been at school ALL day I have to come home and do more?!" Ha. I thought, Yes. I always tell you when you complain about doing your homeschooling work--'If you were going to public school, you would go ALL day, and still have homework some nights.' I think Lincoln was the most aware of that ahead of time...that's why he gave the, "iffy hand wave." Lincoln's homework took about a 45 minutes. Jack's could have taken 30...but he procrastinated and doodled. He really only had to write out and study 10 spelling words. Kennedy had some reading, and a couple pages to fill in.

So, we busted out the homework. I was in a hurry to feed them before basketball practice,  so we ended up eating dinner at 4:30! Then the boys asked if they could skip basketball practice, because they were so tired. We stayed home and watched, "The Princess Bride." We were ALL exhausted. After the movie, we prayed, sang songs, and I tucked the kids into bed. Jason was going to try and call by 8:30 to hear how all their days went, but ended up not being able to. By the time his call came in, Kennedy was snoring, and Lincoln was asleep. I woke Lincoln up to talk, but Kennedy wouldn't budge. So, Jack and Lincoln told their dad about their first day of school.

Okay. Here's my wimpy mom last little tidbit:

Last night when I was clearing the table, I cleared up a pile of our homeschool books. It made me sad. Even though I know it's not closing a chapter in our lives...that's how it felt to put all our school stuff away.

Sorry. This is completely mushy and sentimental:
Then, while I was moving laundry later that night...I had this horrible thought, that this empty feeling; this anxiety that these children are slowly moving out of my life...what if this is what it always feels like when they are all grown and moved out? Hopefully there is a tradeoff. And, you enter into some kind of new relationship. I LOVE my relationship with my parent's now. But...that feeling made my heart stop for a beat or two. The realization that someday I'll be done. Someday I will have left my impression; good or bad on my children.

I'm sure that all mothers know this feeling. Jason thinks I'm a little crazy when I have these um...episodes. But, you know that feeling that somehow you just moved into a new stage in life? Somehow, while you weren't looking--your kids grew up a little bit more. Sometimes that's exciting. Sometimes it's incredibly painful.

Last night was one of those incredibly painful moments. I realized that Lincoln is going to be 10 this year. (Okay. NOT for almost a whole year! But that's how weird I am. ) Kennedy is not my baby anymore. Jack is not my blue-eyed toddler that says all his 'L's as 'Y's. Lincoln just keeps growing and growing. His heart seems so big that I worry I put too much on his little shoulders. That he is too responsible. Too mature. Too reserved. Too compliant. I want him to enjoy the silliness and freedom of childhood.

Kennedy was coughing this morning and I said, "Oh, honey, you can stay home with mommy if you're feeling sick." I was really hoping she'd stay. She said, "No, mom. I want to go."  What the heck!?

When I finally got the phone from the kids and got to talk to Jason, or course I was a hot mess.  It was nice to cry on his...metaphoric shoulder.

Isn't that the way things go? We just don't come by perspective naturally. It is always accompanied by a bit of pain. I'm so thankful for this insight.  Last night I was more thankful for my children than I have been for months. I missed them. That was a good and painful feeling. I was proud of them. I realized how much they have grown and changed during the past two years. I was so humbled by God for allowing them into my life; despite my human nature.  For blessing me with, "surprise" pregnancies, planned pregnancies, and babies that grew in another momma's belly. For weaving each of their unique and endearing personalities. I was deeply inspired and determined to fight for relationships with all of them. Ones that will carry us through into their adult years. 


I know this probably seems totally melodramatic to all you veteran moms out there.

That's where I'm at. Day one. We are all tired. But it sure is nice to have a little order instilled in our lives. Even if it comes with a price. I don't think I had the willpower to do it on my own.


  1. I'm so glad it went well. As for looking ahead, one of the thoughts I had when Scott and I finally decided to get married was, "Now, I will have to be a widow, someday.

  2. Ha! That's really funny to me. Exactly how I think~


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